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Bertoldo - No King's Fool

6/2/2014

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Bertoldo – No King’s Fool

Bertoldo was summoned by Alboin, king of the Longobards, so that he could question him. This is an excerpt of their exchange.

*my translation from Le sottilissime astuzie di Bertoldo (1606) by Giulio Cesare Croce.

King: Who are you? When were you born? And where do you come from?

Bertoldo: I am a man. I was born when my mother made me. I come from a village in this world.

King: What is the fastest thing there is?

Bertoldo: Thought.

King: What is the best wine there is?

Bertoldo: That which is drunk in other people’s homes.

King: What is that sea that is never full?

Bertoldo: The greed of the miserly man.

King: What is the worse trait for a young person to have?

Bertoldo: Disobedience.

King: What is the worse trait for an old person to have?

Bertoldo: Lust.

King: What is the worse trait for a trader to have?

Bertoldo: Insincerity.

King: Which cat licks your face but scratches your back?

Bertoldo: The whore.

King: What is the biggest fire in a house?

Bertoldo: The servant’s loose tongue.

King: Who is the most insane man there is?

Bertoldo: The one who thinks he’s the wisest?

King: Which illnesses are incurable?

Bertoldo: Madness, cancer, and debts.

King: Who is the son who burns his mother’s tongue?

Bertoldo: The oil lamp’s wick.

King: How would you bring me water in a strainer without spilling it?

Bertoldo: I would wait for the weather to turn it into ice, and then I would bring it to you.

King: What are those things that man looks for but doesn’t want to find?

Bertoldo: Flees in his shirt, broken heels, and the ugly truth.

King: How would you catch a hare without a dog?

Bertoldo: I would wait for the hare to be cooked, and then I would catch it.

King: Well then, ask me all you wish and I will give you all that you ask.

Bertoldo: He who does not possess something cannot give it to others.

King: Can’t I give you all that you desire?

Bertoldo: I am in search of happiness, and you don’t have it, so you cannot give it to me.

King: Am I not happy sitting on this high throne as I do?

Bertoldo: He who sits highest is at greater risk of falling.

King: Look at how many sires and barons are around me to obey and honour me.

Bertoldo: Ants too gather around fruit to gnaw its peel.

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