Bertoldo – No King’s Fool
Bertoldo was summoned by Alboin, king of the Longobards, so that he could question him. This is an excerpt of their exchange.
*my translation from Le sottilissime astuzie di Bertoldo (1606) by Giulio Cesare Croce.
King: Who are you? When were you born? And where do you come from?
Bertoldo: I am a man. I was born when my mother made me. I come from a village in this world.
King: What is the fastest thing there is?
Bertoldo: Thought.
King: What is the best wine there is?
Bertoldo: That which is drunk in other people’s homes.
King: What is that sea that is never full?
Bertoldo: The greed of the miserly man.
King: What is the worse trait for a young person to have?
Bertoldo: Disobedience.
King: What is the worse trait for an old person to have?
Bertoldo: Lust.
King: What is the worse trait for a trader to have?
Bertoldo: Insincerity.
King: Which cat licks your face but scratches your back?
Bertoldo: The whore.
King: What is the biggest fire in a house?
Bertoldo: The servant’s loose tongue.
King: Who is the most insane man there is?
Bertoldo: The one who thinks he’s the wisest?
King: Which illnesses are incurable?
Bertoldo: Madness, cancer, and debts.
King: Who is the son who burns his mother’s tongue?
Bertoldo: The oil lamp’s wick.
King: How would you bring me water in a strainer without spilling it?
Bertoldo: I would wait for the weather to turn it into ice, and then I would bring it to you.
King: What are those things that man looks for but doesn’t want to find?
Bertoldo: Flees in his shirt, broken heels, and the ugly truth.
King: How would you catch a hare without a dog?
Bertoldo: I would wait for the hare to be cooked, and then I would catch it.
King: Well then, ask me all you wish and I will give you all that you ask.
Bertoldo: He who does not possess something cannot give it to others.
King: Can’t I give you all that you desire?
Bertoldo: I am in search of happiness, and you don’t have it, so you cannot give it to me.
King: Am I not happy sitting on this high throne as I do?
Bertoldo: He who sits highest is at greater risk of falling.
King: Look at how many sires and barons are around me to obey and honour me.
Bertoldo: Ants too gather around fruit to gnaw its peel.
Bertoldo was summoned by Alboin, king of the Longobards, so that he could question him. This is an excerpt of their exchange.
*my translation from Le sottilissime astuzie di Bertoldo (1606) by Giulio Cesare Croce.
King: Who are you? When were you born? And where do you come from?
Bertoldo: I am a man. I was born when my mother made me. I come from a village in this world.
King: What is the fastest thing there is?
Bertoldo: Thought.
King: What is the best wine there is?
Bertoldo: That which is drunk in other people’s homes.
King: What is that sea that is never full?
Bertoldo: The greed of the miserly man.
King: What is the worse trait for a young person to have?
Bertoldo: Disobedience.
King: What is the worse trait for an old person to have?
Bertoldo: Lust.
King: What is the worse trait for a trader to have?
Bertoldo: Insincerity.
King: Which cat licks your face but scratches your back?
Bertoldo: The whore.
King: What is the biggest fire in a house?
Bertoldo: The servant’s loose tongue.
King: Who is the most insane man there is?
Bertoldo: The one who thinks he’s the wisest?
King: Which illnesses are incurable?
Bertoldo: Madness, cancer, and debts.
King: Who is the son who burns his mother’s tongue?
Bertoldo: The oil lamp’s wick.
King: How would you bring me water in a strainer without spilling it?
Bertoldo: I would wait for the weather to turn it into ice, and then I would bring it to you.
King: What are those things that man looks for but doesn’t want to find?
Bertoldo: Flees in his shirt, broken heels, and the ugly truth.
King: How would you catch a hare without a dog?
Bertoldo: I would wait for the hare to be cooked, and then I would catch it.
King: Well then, ask me all you wish and I will give you all that you ask.
Bertoldo: He who does not possess something cannot give it to others.
King: Can’t I give you all that you desire?
Bertoldo: I am in search of happiness, and you don’t have it, so you cannot give it to me.
King: Am I not happy sitting on this high throne as I do?
Bertoldo: He who sits highest is at greater risk of falling.
King: Look at how many sires and barons are around me to obey and honour me.
Bertoldo: Ants too gather around fruit to gnaw its peel.
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